I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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