Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
