I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
