Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
