sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
