Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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