your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
