yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
