It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
