i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
