Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
