i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
there is puke in my bra ... again
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