I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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