can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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