Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
