Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
