____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
