I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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