I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You ruined the universe
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