he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
