well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
