Porn is love you can see.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
