I just threw up on my dentist
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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