I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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