Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
