Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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