Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
