hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
