Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
