i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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