Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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