i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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