Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
