hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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