Do you still have your period?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
