I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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