so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
