went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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