I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
