I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
