actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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