You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
