i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
