I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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