Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Shame is for Republicans.
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