So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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