Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
