I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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