so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
