i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
