I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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