I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
