i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
