It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
