He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
