I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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