When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
