I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
