If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
