I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
