This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My vagina just recognized that song.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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