he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She bit a glass in half.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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