Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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