If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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